World domination hangs in the balance (of a cow outfit).

I can't decide whether or not to give the context for this story. For now, I choose no. If utter chaos results, I'll fill in the blanks. Ahem....

The other night I was walking along the edge of the rainforest-ish, heading back to campus. Upon hearing significant movement and whispering voices in the foliage, I paused. Research and studying were calling my name, but my curiosity is infamously insatiable. Abandoning all hope of going to bed early, I set down my backpack and water bottle, stowing them underneath the nearest leafy shrub. Stealthily, I stepped off the path and into the trees.

Without making any noise, I made my way through the underbrush, sticking to the shadows and pausing behind trees to make sure my steps hadn’t been detected. The moonlight shone through breaks in the canopy, casting a mysterious light on my surroundings. After a few more silent steps, I spotted a clearing up ahead. The voices were clearer now, but I still couldn’t make out the words being spoken. I could also see figures, but I was too far away to identify the shapes. Making nary a sound, I proceeded toward the congregating bodies. I spotted a large hedge-type thing just outside of the clearing: the perfect hiding place.

Hardly breathing, I inched my way over to the foliage and crouched down (absently I hoped that my shrub wasn’t anything poisonous). It was the perfect vantage point and as I gazed out at the clearing, the figures suddenly came into full view. In front of me was a semicircle of farm animals. About thirty cows, pigs, and chickens were gathered together. I did a double take (especially considering that cows, chickens, and pigs are a rarity on Oahu) as one cow meandered its way to the center of the clearing, clearly the leader of the group. He began to speak.

“My friends: bovine, swine, and fowl alike. Tonight I bring you together for a meeting of the most valorous intentions. The time has come to move into the next phase of our plan. Phase three: the siege.” A twitchy chicken interrupted the cow. “But Emerson, we already tried this! It was an epic fail, we lost so many lives on that horrible night.” The cow, Emerson as it was, turned sharply to address the chicken. “Silence, Gregor. This will be nothing like that night. The faults have been addressed, the plan re-worked entirely. The siege will not fail. The siege MUST not fail.” There was a murmur of approval throughout the crowd. The creatures began discussing the details of their master plan. It involved heavy artillery and intense battle formations that no military could possibly fathom.

Throughout the discussion, I couldn’t help but wonder how these animals would accomplish such a task without opposable thumbs (it seemed like a deal-breaker to me). I remained hidden for the duration of the meeting. At the end, Emerson announced the time and date of their final pre-Siege gathering. As the animals dispersed and I made my way back to my hidden backpack, I saw myself presented with a dilemma. Try to stop this force of farm animals from taking over the world (or at least Hawaii), or succumb to a life of servitude under those we once devoured. I now find myself with no choice, the date of their final meeting approaches fast. I must do something. I need a costume.